Put on the gear!

Since we have just begun a new Church  year, I thought that I would use this analogy. St. Paul said in 2 Corinthians that we struggle and our opponent is strong. So, we should put on all the armor that is necessary to stand and be victorious.  So, let’s hear from the Coach.

Dear Team members,

Last year, we had some defeats and some victories, but all in all, I feel pretty good about the final game, the Superbowl. However, there are some areas that have been brought to my attention by my staff that we need to discuss.


During the last season, some of you began to miss practice on a regular basis. I thought that perhaps there was some scheduling conflict, so I offered more practice opportunities hoping that this would help. Unfortunately, this didn’t work. Attendance at practice has become so dismal that now there are only 3 or 4 who came faithfully. I admire them, because they practice hard, and it shows. However, I don’t think that these faithful few can carry the whole team. I am told that attendance at practice is so low because you feel the practices are too long. Well out of an entire week, we only wanted 3 hours of your time. Then, it seems that practice conflicts with your other activities. Some of the team are now dating, or have joined clubs, or have family concerns, or need to relax and watch TV, or have a new hobby, or whatever. Therefore, I am letting everyone know that they are no longer required to attend practice. I hope that this makes everyone feel a little better.  My major concern is that the opposing team practices all the time. They are a tough squad and know how to play.


All of you have a playbook, but it seems to me that few of you are reading it. How do I know? Well, when you do come to practice, you seem a bit confused. You act as if you don’t understand the plays or the signals. It seems that every time we try to run a play, many of you are offside, or simply standing with a blank look on your face. Please read your playbook and study it. Some say that it is too hard to read, and that you don’t have time. Are you sure you want to be on the team? How can we run a play successfully if we don’t all think alike and understand the calls? Our opposition studies hard, and they know exactly what their quarterback wants them to do. They even know some of our plays. No confusion there!


Many of you are telling me that you don’t like to wear our uniform. Its too old fashioned. It seems that it restricts your freedom, and you find it too bulky. You would rather play without one. These outfits have protected our players for years, and there have been few injuries, but if you don’t want to wear them, then be my quest. Of course, the other team is fully geared with helmets, pads, etc. I don’t think any of them plan to get hurt, even though they do plan to hit hard.

Training table

In the past, we have recommended that you follow a careful regimen concerning food. We asked that all players eat at the training table, so that we could help you attain your goals of strength and fitness. Some foods cause you to be lethargic, while other foods give you energy. Large amounts of any kind of food will make it difficult to concentrate while playing the game. Many say the regimen is too hard, and that the food is plain and boring. And so, everyone feel free to eat what you want, as much as you want, and anytime you want. Of course, I have noticed that many of you are now gaining weight and find playing more difficult. Make no mistake, the opposition is lean and muscular, fit and disciplined. They can run for hours without becoming the least bit winded or fatigued. We used to be like that, but now most of us find it difficult to run even ten yards without panting.


We had a schedule of recommended exercises, but some players tell us that they don’t want to do them. They take too much time, make you sweat, and make sore muscles. You even tell me that if there is not time to do them all, you feel that it is better not to do any. Therefore, we are dropping the exercise requirements. I suppose I don’t need to tell you how much the other team is working out, lifting weights, etc.


It has always been our intention to help you have a successful and victorious season. However, I hope that these concessions will make all of you feel better about being on the team. The Superbowl is about to begin. The stadium is filling with spectators, many of whom are former players and all stars. I am sure that they will cheer us on. I will do what I can as your coach and my staff will work hard for you. Yet, with no practice, no playbook, no uniform, no exercise, and no training table, I don’t know how we will beat the opposition. Frankly, I think we are going to get creamed this year.


The Coach and his staff

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